Validation!

When I lived in NYC my friends Joy and Ian, used to try to bribe me to smile, I hated smiling.  I had nothing to smile about and thought it made me weak.  Joy even bought me a singing birthday card with Tim McGraw’s song” Just to See you Smile” on it, because she said my smile lit up the world, but I still didn’t like to smile, smile was for those who were happy about nothing all the while the world was burning.  Then one day, I met a man, a man who’s face in any state make me smile and ever since I can’t stop smiling. I never stop smiling now he is the most wonderful blessing to me. World meet Matt–my handsome and amazing and wonderful boyfriend, the one responsible for this goofy smile on my face!

Today a friend posted this on Facebook, so I had to share it here! A film short I can really connect with! Enjoy!

Happy Things.

So, my little brother is getting married to his best friend and very literal soul-mate next year.  And I quite literally could not be happier for them both, they are such wonderful people and so perfect for each other!  We are so blessed to add Kate to the madness of our family, she fits right in! Of course this gives the sister the guilt-free excuse to revel in wedding ideas.

Can I just say Martha Stewart’s Wedding portion of her website, (though slightly confusing and a bit difficult to navigate) is truly very beautiful and has so many great ideas.  I had, like some kind of given up on Martha for a bit, not because of her criminal record but because I felt her magazine was lacking in great content and things relevant or possible in my world.  Sure while your in NYC and you have the world at your fingertips many of her recipes were easy, but in a more remote location some of them seemed like asking for moon dust, from Jupiter’s moon.

But her new renovated and recreated self image is really great, like Julia Child, she if finally talking our language and catering to the average American.  Her wedding ideas are really fun, some of them new and some old, but all put in that perfect ribbon and bow of Martha and her staff’s perfect touch.

Cakes, flowers, decorations, etiquette tips, fashion tips for all the members of the party, and all the little details in between, she has an idea sure to inspire! Check it out!

God’s Beauty Is…

Today on my run, through the dusty dirty roads of Western Colorado, past miles of sage brush as cool serene storm clouds hung in darkened skies above, a black raven flew above me.  At first the raven flew past, I then noticed he circled around me and then around me again, at first I was unsettled by his presence perhaps there was a dead animal near, recently past and he was circling for the feast, then I was frightened that perhaps I was the feast.  My steps continued to keep an even pace as I followed this animal, three flaps of his wings and then glide, two flaps and then glide.  All the while keeping a keen eye on me.  I was then shocked to the moment of mystery as he peacefully glided away.

When I finally reached the end of the road, my two black labs sat patiently as I grabbed their leashes, before we entered the paved road where I’ve had more than one encounter with a reckless driver willing to take my life for a few extra minutes subtracted from their travel time.  I bent down, grabbed their leashes and tucked my hands back into my Harvard sweatshirt, just then, Bette Davis Eyes came on my old ipod that used to not hold a charge and recently has gained a resurgence in energy.  As I leaped and bounded in long stride on the pavement thinking of love and God’s goodness, there on a fence post, sat the Raven staring at me, I smiled at it and said hello as I passed.

The gorgeous and mysterious bird sat still only moving its head at small timed incriments as I passed by.  In that moment as he sat steadied on a wooden post painted against a gray and stormy sky, I suddenly realized he was telling me secrets of days gone by, truths that I’d known all along yet seldom found told in the four walls of a church.  On my journey, I’ve heard these things before, I know them sure as the ground continues to pop up to meet my feet every half a second as I glide faithfully through the air,

God is mysterious, unsettling and frightening.

Just like the bird, we see him, characteristics of him, his hand in nature, his beauty painted on fence posts and stormy skies.  God is not safe and neither ought our lives to be with the way we live.

As the journey continued, I turned the corner to begin my climb to the top of the hill, I notice two stallions.  Two stunningly gorgeous Palomino horses ran, tails as ready to charge, to the fence closest to the road.  Horses in general are fearsome, wild and unsafe creatures.  At first, as with the bird I was unsettled, then when I noticed they were charging toward me frightened (I had a very terrifying situation with seven or so horses this summer that charged me on a run).  I noticed a fence at least momentarily causing them to pause, yet realized it would not take them much of anything to clear that fence.  Then I noticed they wanted food and to play.  As I continued to run up the road, they raced me, sprinted even, showing their brute force and swift speed against my insignifigance as a human.  We both smiled in our eyes, the dogs enjoying the game as well, I sprinted down back to where I was, at first they were unsure, but then realized I was playing and sprinted to beat me yet again.  Their tales held high and their chest pressed forward to the sky, they dashed to race me yet again to edge of the fence.  I smiled and told them I’d return tomorrow with some apples.

It was then, that God spoke deep beauty to my heart, Bethanie he said, I am mysterious, sometimes unsettling and always a bit frightening, in a word unhuman.  I am beyond human comprehension but I am always out for your best and my glory.  Today, life made sense, the drive I have to move beyond the comfortable, the safe, the easy and the pretty-ness of life, all came together.  While others seem momentary refuge from the storm, the storms of my life have caused me to come out of refuge and stare deep into the storms heart and find true beauty.  Its true, real beauty is not found in painted over canvas admired by all, it is found in the darkness, in raw fear, in bravery and absolute neglect of our own lives.  As the apostle Paul says it is only when we loose our life do we truly find it.

This soul, who has at times been thought of as a lost one, has spent days in a journey deep in to the woods of Gods faithfulness to produce something something better, beauty despite adversity and temptation.  To cause a safe and comfortable child to grow into a woman so she can speak of his seamless rich unwavering love for those who call upon his name.  And it is in this dark unlovely muddied often bloodied body that I look up to heaven and find peace unattainable and incomprehensible without the dangerous journey behind and the ones to come.

Doubt and Fear.

There are days when I doubt the existence of art in me, the ability to create beauty in my life or help other create beauty in theirs.  Its held me back on many occasions when I believe I hold something beautiful in mind capable of captivating the world in a new way.  So many of us hold the key of giving the world something new, yet fall for lies that its already been done, already been seen.  How could we, the everyday person create something new unseen by human eyes and unfelt by the human soul? Especially with the internet and all those wonderful blogs, we scour and search and peel back layers of ourselves hoping to find something amazing to offer the world.

Today I woke up, almost with new eyes, I looked around my room, and realized, almost everything I touch is littered with my fingerprints of art, and mine alone.  In that moment I was thankful for the work of modern artist, who place the emphasis on the individual and our affect on the world, the affect that no one else can have and undoubtedly that work may only be found worthy by you and perhaps a few of your friends.  The hard part is of course risking the rejection of putting yourself out there, showing your soul through the windows of the only eyes and heart you have.  It is scary, I struggle everyday to get the strength to put out in the public eye that which I find unique, and to face possible critics or even worse indifference.

But today, I woke up and as I had my morning coffee realized that my world is uniquely beautiful, only I picked the combination of the color gray, that elephant with broken mirrors as its saddle, those gorgeous pink roses in that arrangement, those glow in the dark bracelets, the Julia Child’s cookbook paired with a gift about friendship and the thrift store table they sit on.  The combination is what makes it beautiful, well to me at least.  I suppose it works this way in every part of our life, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and maybe a few people might see it with us, but that’s not important its continuing to be brave when its scary and continuing to believe that somehow we offer the world something inspiring and beautiful, even if it seems that no one else will find it as we do.

So what do you have to offer, that scares you to share?  What have you locked away deep in your heart away from all the world?  And for those of you who put yourself out there everyday, how do you get over those fears?

Running Photography No. 2

Blissful Peace

I have the distinct pleasure of spending this year of my life in the Colorado Rockies while I train in readiness for becoming an Officer in the United States Marine Corps.  This is only one of the breath-taking images I have in my head from the days and nights of running in this remote location.

As the New Year begins I have a tough course ahead of me in training, but I’m thankful to have such a great location to keep my imagination alive while I train.

Who put the ape in apricot, what’s he got that I ain’t got?

Courage!

(I found this on inkonmyfingers.com) Such a lovely quote!

Sleepless in Seattle for New Years.

Dear friends,

No no, don’t worry I’m not jumping ship and going to a foreign country by myself like last year, this holiday season I will be spending New Years and the days surrounding it in the lovely city of Seattle with a wonderful man.  So this New Years there will be two first, a date for New Years and a city I’ve always wanted to visit.  (There are three cities in the United States that I wanted to live in during my life Los Angeles [CHECK], New York City [CHECK] and Seattle [UHM].)  It is my very first visit ever… ever… ever… I’ve been waiting all my life to go!  So finally I’ll get to see that gorgeous city by the bay.  The sparkling Pacific Ocean in the fabulous Puget Sound with the gorgeous Cascade Mountain Range behind it all during the bustle and excitement of the holidays and the turning of a new decade, can you imagine?

Being a New Yorker for 4 years, I became addicted to the sweet little finds and charming parts of town generally far from the tourist areas of town.  I would love my visit to be as genuine and close to the “real” Seattle, enjoyed by everyday people who live there, as possible.  Parts of Brooklyn like Cobble Hill, Fort Greene, Williamsburg and Greenpoint, make the city far more interesting and fun to feel apart of the everyday life of the city, bars with board games, indie music venues, pool tables and sofas, backyards, hookah, skee ball, a bowling alley in a bar, and a thousand other places to hang out with those everyday inhabitants, than just going to Times Square.  I’d love to see that side of Seattle.

So I need your help, where are your favorite places in Seattle?  Where are those quirky little coffeehouses?  The places to hear amazing live music?  Best place to eat, get a drink or relax and play games?  Best museums or exhibits?  Any special spots that are enjoyed by couples?  Of course we are all on budget so I’m not looking for the fabulously expensive but the fabulously quirky and cheap underground places that tourists don’t generally get to experience!

Thank you and Happy Holidays,
Bethanie

Tuesday’s Classic Little Things

Monday is gone, thankfully and we are into day 2.  I don’t know know but I love the days that start with T, its not quite the beginning or the end but somewhere in the middle which feels nice and safe.  So for this lovely wintery Tuesday I thought I’d show you some of the things that make me happy when I need a little pick-me-up.

First, if you’ve not discovered Tumblr.com give it a try! Its strange at first but it is most definitely going to be a wave of the future.  It is a blog of sorts, you can post thoughts, chats, pictures, articles you come across, well anything you want to share with other bloggers.  The best part I find is the popular tab which includes loads of the above in real-time, I find it so invigorating to see so much life happening and so many wonderful artists out there sharing their experience on this earth with friends and the world.

A new blog I came across, Sweet Eventide, she is and old soul, with a fabulous eye for beauty! She is native born New York City gal transplanted at an early age to San Diego.  All this comes across in her sweet tone, and hushed sound of the ocean in her photos but her precise and perfected beauty in her style and grace.  This girl is a born classic.

Also Ink on my Fingers, written by a sweet and very beautiful soul, Susannah Conway, who found her soul’s release from the pain of suddenly loosing the love of her life in this mainly pictorial blog.  She is a journalist, blog writer and now photographer from the UK.  She shares her soul in ways I only hope to do.  Her thoughts and memories are very raw and very honest and simple.  Reading her blog makes me feel like I’m walking through a rainstorm just after a good cry.  May we all come through the trials of our life with the beauty and grace of this woman.

The last bit of beauty I will leave you with today, is a darling photo by Anthropologie.  I recently became their fan on Facebook and today they posted their gift pics from their D.C. Store.  The photos are a lovely reminder of how much I love walking through their store.  I have a bar of soap from there midtown store in NYC just sitting in my dresser drawer, the way my grandmother used to do,  such a lovely little surprise when I open it! It’s certainly not too late to pick up a few lovely little somethings to add to those holiday gifts.

What pretty little things make your day happier and go by a little more peacefully?

In response…

Holly from decor8 posed this question to her readers last friday (when I originally intended on posting this) “What’s the one thing you’ve read recently (online/offline) that has resonated with you and made you think? Why?“

The timing couldn’t have been any more perfect, just when I was feeling all my interaction online had become swallowingly shallow and all my creations entirely emptied of passion.  We talk and talk and talk about little nothings, which sometimes don’t had up to somethings.  Right now I feel as though they have only added up to that feeling of an empty undiscovered canyon that just evokes the desire to scream into it just to have your frustration truly heard.

So Holly, my response to your question is this.  Lately, I’ve been most impacted by the William Blake quote, that Hillary Swanks’ character HOLLY says when she first meets Gerry in P.S. I Love You;

“I must create a system or be enslaved by another mans;
I will not reason and compare: my business is to create.”
William Blake

Living in NYC for 4 years I became a professional critic on every subject imaginable. From the best wine, cheese, places to shop, shoes, fashions, and especially politics, you name it I have an opinion that I feel could contend ought to contend with those published in the NY Times.  As I was leaving the city, though I had gained an incredible sense of self, I realized that I had come to create and  left in the business of only reasoning and comparing.  I did nothing to add to this world but rather, sucked up by the high of being heard and respected by friends and colleagues that I made criticism my business.  Reasoning and comparing are not in and of themselves a sin, they show intelligence, consciousness, that one is well-informed and well-educated, but if they are alone, if they produce nothing new, nothing of moral virtue they are empty and one is left to the depression that nothing is as it ought to be. They are the tools by which we can create, but used as end in themselves they only produce darkness.

This quote and this post planted a little hope of new life, or at least the hope of life, as I began to realize that without creation, without the risk or rejection and criticism I’m simply recovering the wall words, already heard, boring gibberish that in the end amounts only to carbon dioxide being readministered into the atmosphere by a mouth that more often than not tells tales of bitterness and drudgery.  If we do not bring something lovely into the world, something positive we bring little more than more emptiness.

So, I’ll let you know when I can actually escape the prison of escapement of this dark fate I willingly submitted myself to become in order to become something.  But as Coco Chanel said “How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.” So I anticipate these thoughts and reflections will only continue, but I hope that I can relearn how to stop criticizing myself but instead create something new and wonderful.  In the meantime, I’m putting down my sword of destruction even against myself.  Or at least I’m going to try.

Here’s to hoping life as I know it will end.

It’s the hap…. fattest time of the year?

Let us get down to the heart of  the matter, or the psychology for that matter.  The mainstream media would have us believe that the average American puts on 7-10lbs during the holiday season.  NY Times writer Tara Parker-Pope reported that according that the national average according to premier medical studies find that we actually only put on 1-2lbs a year including the holiday season.  Sounds like we’ve been fed a line, literally.

Its the wives tales like this that have pregnant women eating for two, when its been reported that the average pregnant woman should only be eating for 1.1.  Which should only increase your caloric intake by 10% when you have a bun in the oven.   We buy these myths and our ever widening hips take all the hits! So this holiday season, before giving in the guilt you have heaped on your shoulders remember that after the holidays you will be exactly who you are right now.  This tidbit of news actually inspires me to put less in my mouth instead of plunging head first into the group mentality of “oh well everyone else is doing it.”

Lately, I’ve been asked (by my friends who have watched me go from fat girl to normal girl, and then now to the best body I’ve ever had) how I get motivated, cut the fat, exercise regiments and the best dietary patterns.  Well I can honestly say I’ve done every diet under the sun and have unofficially studied nutrition for 7 years now.  I remember someone once saying “if you want to be thin and/or healthy watch someone who is those things and model your behaviors and patterns after them.”

My most recent dietary instructor has been a nurse for over 30 years, and studied nutrition on connection with moods and hormones, she is from New Zealand and has some very anti-American dietary sentiments, but her hand her husband now mid to late 60’s are in fantastic shape and could take on any 20 year old walking around NYC any day.  They are so youthful and healthy that my friends who hadn’t met them thought they were my age by the way I talked about our activities together.  And I mean that’s the point isn’t it, not to be skinny or look like super models (who by the way look emaciated and disgusting in real life, I always wish I had carried donuts with me in NYC to share with them when I saw them) but to be our best selves, to be healthy and happy and ready for every good work!

One problem Joy has counseled me on is the detrimental views of food in our American dietary education. The FDA has told us many things that have been proven to be completely contradictory to an actual healthy way of living rather seek only to support economy and industry.  Several books have come out in the last few years against these myths of course, and they are gaining ground, though some still pass them off as propaganda. In the meantime, Americans are buying bad food ethics and as we continue to drink our diet soda, get the low fat products and what’s happening?  We are getting fatter!

Anyway, I’ll get off my soap box and leave you with some basic dietary guidelines that I use in my own diet:

1. You need FAT to get skinny!!!! That’s right, why don’t french women have to diet?  Why are they always thin, they eat less because they eat more fat.  Their diets consist of things loaded with butter, yet eat tiny portions.  We think, “oh they must be starving themselves.”  In reality however, they aren’t they are actually satisfied and full! Why?  Because fat molecules actually cause our cells to swell triggering our brain, letting us know we have had enough food.  Now I’m not saying go out and eat a burger and a carton of ice cream because saturated fats do the exact opposite, they actually reject the brains natural instinct to stop eating and urge it to ignore insulin levels.  (Click HERE to read the article on the medical study) So, eat small amounts of healthy fat like fish, chicken breast (yes it still has fat) lean red meats, avocados, cheese and nuts.  With all these items you are not only getting the lean fat you are getting loads of vitamins the natural way.  And since we have learned that dietary supplements end up in our urine instead of our system, this is the best way to get those nutrients.

2.  Diet drinks and sugars are making you FAT! Yup, anytime your glycemic index rises, you store fat.  Guess what impacts that glycemic index more than regular sugar?  Yup that’s right imitation sugars, anything fake not only gives your body chemicals it cannot process and ends up storing (linked to cancer in lab animals) but you are actually getting FATTER!!!!!!  (Good article by Wired.com on this click HERE to read it). So put down the Diet Coke, and pick up a Perrier or a bottle of water! Don’t like water? Add a Vitamin mix, like Emergency or and electrolyte mixture that doesn’t have sugar. Or to get yourself some tea, preferably green and learn to get used to flavor, not sugar. Also there have been studies that these sugars are actually sucking nutrients out of your body:

“The junk sugars in soft drinks also take good things out of the body. High doses of sugar and artificial sweeteners increase the urinary excretion of calcium, leading to weaker bones, or osteoporosis, and to deposits of calcium in the kidneys (i.e., kidney stones). The phosphoric acid present in many soft drinks further robs the body of calcium by increasing the loss of magnesium and calcium in the urine.”

Also, here is a list of the impact of certain items and chemical on your glycemic index, a few things you wouldn’t expect, including carrots:

1. soybeans (15)
2. fructose (20)
3. cherries (23)
4. grapefruit (26)
5. kidney beans (29)
6. lentils (29)
7. milk (34)
8. yogurt (36)
9. chickpeas (36)
10. apples (39)
11. spaghetti (42)
12. grapes (45)
13. oranges (46)
14. sweet potatoes (48)
15. All-Bran (51)
16. oatmeal (54)
17. corn (59)
18. table sugar (sucrose) (59)
19. bananas (62)
20. raisins (64)
21. soft drinks (68)
22. bread, white (69)
23. potatoes (70)
24. candy bar (70) (BETTER THAN CARROTS???? AND WHEAT BREAD!!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOA!)
25. bread, whole wheat (72)
26. white rice (72)
27. refined cereals (80)
28. honey (87)
29. carrots (92)
30. glucose (100)

p.s. Sugar in any form suppresses your immune system, allowing your body to weaken so that it cannot fight viruses easily!

3. Slow down and preset food portions. The days of chewing your food 100-200 times before you swallow seem like a thing of the past.  We are busier than ever, more stressed and on the road, meaning we go to drive-thru, we eat fast never giving our brain a chance to catch up with our ever expanding stomachs! So since we eat on the run and in between meetings, plan out your diet before you enter the day and set aside portions sizes.  If you order out the portions are automatically too big, tear off half that sandwich and put it in the freezer, so you can’t run back to it or throw it away!!!!!! I know this is terrible in a time when we are conserving ever tiny penny we can find but seriously if it will stop you from putting it in your mouth, put it in the trash and cover it with your morning’s coffee so you don’t go back.  Set a plan and stick to it!

4.  Be around people that are of like mind! When I moved to NYC I was convinced that I was old, but when I got there I actually realized I was a spring chicken, most of my friends were in their late 40’s or 50’s and they gave me a great piece of advice.  Don’t hang around people that think they are old, or you will become old.  Its true, if we are people who complain about anything long enough we start to buy into the mentality.  So if you have friends that are like “Screw it I’m already unhealthy pour on the gravy!” Then its almost certain you will buy into this mentality after being around it long enough, because it will be that much easier for you to give in.  I believe strong people build strong people!  If you want to stay unhealthy, hang out with those who are unhealthy in anyway. Choosing your friends wisely is a rule across the board, don’t compromise this in the area of food!

5.  Its cold! So get out and exercise! Its a fact that just being cold burns calories, so bundle up and get out there and walk or run if your in shape and burn double!  Watching a Christmas movie? Before I would sit there and stuff my face with food, get that butt out of your chair and put it no the ground, do sit ups and push ups during commercials.  I once read an article with Kiera Knightly on the issue of her being condemned by the media for being too skinny and accused of having an eating disorder, she simply stated that she had always been that skinny because she doesn’t sit still. When she watches t.v. or a movie she is doing sit-ups, running on the treadmill or some other exercise.  There’s no reason that by the end of winter, you won’t have to worry about getting into that bikini!!

Here are a few fun blog read of those who are positive about the changes they’ve made in their life!

And one called Flexible Tension which I found very helpful!